On Life

• Don't take life too seriously, you will never get out of it alive.
• Hard work may not kill you, but why take chances?
• If everything is coming your way then you're in the wrong lane.
• Where would we be without rhetorical questions?
• Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you.

On Computers and Computer Science

• Who's General Failure & why's he reading my disk?
• Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...
• You may say I'm a SCHEMEr, But I'm not the only one
  I hope someday you'll join us, And the world will be as one.
• It is like you are playing against a five year old kid and suddenly his big daddy comes along.
  -- Garry Kasparov after a long game with Deep Blue. He had been practicing for the match by playing against his personal computer.

On everything else

• Sure, we lose money on every customer but we make it up on volume.
• It has just been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
• I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent.
• Which is worse: ignorance or apathy? Who knows? Who cares?
• The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not "Eureka!" (I found it!) but "That's funny ..."
  -- Isaac Asimov
• X-rated movies are all alike ... the only thing they leave to the imagination is the plot.
• People are more violently opposed to fur than to leather because it is easier to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.
• 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.
• 24 hours in a day...24 beers in a case...coincidence?
• I am a vegetarian not because I love animals, it is because I hate plants.
• Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself: "Mankind". Basically, it's made up of two separate words - "mank" and "ind". What do these words mean? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind.
  -- in Deep Thoughts on Saturday Night Live.